Friday, March 30, 2012


This is definitely NOT what I envisioned for my second to last post on this SOL challenge, but I am distressed and need to get it out before my day starts.

I am discouraged ~

Discouraged that we live in a world where violence, greed, warfare, rudeness, and self-centeredness take center stage and become more dominant, while understanding, compassion, peace and justice are in increasingly short supply

Discouraged that I seem to be failing as a parent (where is the damn manual on raising teenagers anyway?)

Discouraged that for the second time in 3 months my lovely daughter has decided to be deceitful and reactive her Facebook account (an account she never had permission to create in the first place.)  Discouraged that she felt she had to lie about it.  Discouraged that she has chosen to adopt a pissed off attitude rather than showing any remorse or caring that she has hurt me deeply and damaged our relationship.

Discouraged that in spite of our best efforts (hands-on parenting, providing them with opportunities to learn new skills, instilling the importance of manners, ethics, strong moral character, going to church and practicing our beliefs) – we seem to be faced with two kids who are headed in wrong directions.  Discouraged because I really don’t know if these are all warning signs of more worrisome problems or are these merely typical behavior of teens.

Discouraged because the use of profanity is so pervasive in our society (I am guilty as well) and now my daughter seems to feel this is an acceptable way to communicate with her friends.  Discouraged that her focus these days is more on movies, friends, boys, love, etc. rather than on academics.  Yes, I know this is normal for her age – but when does this begin to get in her way of her aspirations?

Discouraged because my dear son is currently infatuated with guns and shooting ranges, in spite of the fact that I am a pacifist and he is well aware of how abhorrent I find guns of any sort.  Discouraged because he is internally wired to seek out sports or activities that border on the extreme (a lousy by-product of ADHD) and there is nothing I can do about it.

Discouraged because I don’t know how to fix things – short of seeking some outside help, which also discourages me.

This parenting thing – it was my sole desire – and remains my foremost joy – but damn, is it difficult – and discouraging.

Quote for the day:  Little children, headache; big children, heartache.  ~Italian proverb


  1. I am so sorry for your sadness and discouragement. I don't know anything but prayer that will help such troubles. I will pray for you today. I hope that is okay.

    1. Yes thanks. I think I could use some prayers.

  2. Children will make their own choices and live their own lives. You know that you have done and are still doing everything you can to prepare them for the future. I read your words and I hope that writing your discouragement down helped you a little already. You have shown that writing down your blessings/gratitudes and thinking of the current moment has been valuable in creating positive feelings. Keep doing that. I won't give advice on parenting, I think that it is wise of you to seek professional help.

    1. Thank you Terje. I can always count on you to offer supporting words and clarity of thought.

  3. I feel your pain and sadness - your writing makes this so clear! I hope the act of writing it all out, pouring your heartache into words, has lifted your discouragement some. I have three teenage/young adult sons - I know about this tension you are living with. (And two of my boys are gun lovers, with me, their pacifist Mom...) It is their job to grow apart from you right now. They are doing their developmental job very well! Time to nourish Mom...treat yourself with great love and kindness, do something special for you. Thank you for this very honest sharing.

  4. You are not alone. I could seriously put my name on this post. I totally understand. Going through almost exact stuff with our older kids. It was actually getting pretty stressful around here until my husband and I realized that they do have their agency and what we can't teach them, the world will through natural consequences. Sometimes all you can do is continue to be a good example and pray for them.

  5. Julie, keep loving them. It does hurt sometimes, but it is worth it. You are guiding them by your love, your example, and your insight. Give them peace and encouragement. Pray, pray, pray. It is not easy.