Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Not much has changed from a year ago, she thought. A deep sigh. A tear rolls down her right cheek. Is is worth it she wonders. This pain? This endless battle. She realized she doesn't even have the energy or desire to try to fix it at the moment. Will she ever? The marriage had always been rocky. It wasn't really based on a solid foundation - each had expected the other to change. That never happened - yet they had stayed together for 22 years, 15 of them married. They had two great kids. There were things she had meant to do tonight - some just for herself, some for the family. But she was emotionally exhausted. What's the use? The argument tonight was more than she could handle. He wanted answers. She had none. They were both unhappy. She knew that. She knew they were also both justified in their complaints. Therapists hadn't helped. She had watched a movie last night where one character had described marriage as a "marathon". This struck her. It felt like one right now and she was at mile..... well, whatever mile it is where you hit the wall. Does she push through or does she give up. Maybe he gives up first. Then what? She knows they need to talk - AGAIN. But when, how? And WHY she now ponders. He is a good person deep down. She knows she has an obligation to try to make things better. But - so does he and this seems to be where things falter. She sits alone on the couch. Her daughter being gone on a trip doesn't help things. She misses her. The laughter of her son and his friend from the other room does little to comfort her. Will she be sitting here a year from now thinking the same thing? Not much has changed?!
Monday, June 4, 2012
So - a new writing experience begins. Having completed the Slice of Life March Challenge successfully, I am eager to continue my growth as a new writer. Teachers Write sounds just perfect. Summer is here - finally - so I have time on my hands. My kids are older now and more independent. Making time for this should - SHOULD - be easy. But I know better. Things will get in the way. Motivation will ebb and flow. Nevertheless, I will try my best. I am not a morning person. I love sleeping in. I am much more alert and creative late afternoons or evenings. So that is likely when I will write. After my husband goes to work in the afternoon and before dinner - maybe after. As to where - probably on my front porch, weather permitting. It gets the afternoon sun and is comfortable. I refuse to make a commitment as to how long I will write each day. I am a rule follower and I am learning as I age that this is not always necessary and quite liberating to be more spontaneous. Since I am not working on a novel or story - since I usually write based on a whim or a single thought or a momentary event - I will likely write only around 15 minutes a day to start. Maybe more, often less. I am just happy to be writing something! I finally shared the fact that I had a blog with my parents last April after the SOLC was over - but have not shared with anyone else. I have no current desire to. I am content at present to share with my fellow writers online. I know it is important to let others know that this time is sacred and for me and important. But I am not ready to share this process. Not yet. I look forward to meeting, reading, commenting with many of you this summer. Thanks for this wonderful opportunity.