Tuesday, July 15, 2014


Fraudulent, fabricated, fictitious, forged
Remiss, rude, rejected
Insincere, impolite, intolerant, inconsiderate
Egotistic, empty, egregious
Negligent, neglectful, negative, nonexistent
Disingenuous, deceitful, delinquent
Silent, shady, sarcastic, sad

“We're all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.”   ~ Rudyard Kipling

Saturday, July 12, 2014


We were driving home from an errand to the hardware store after having visited three different kennels in a last minute attempt to find a safe place to house our dog in a few days when the thought struck me.
“Isolation is expensive.”
In so many ways.
Topping my list at present is needing to board my sweet dog just days before our vacation.  We had never had to board her before.  Friends who lived nearby had always taken her in.  Their dog loved having ours come for a visit.  Our friends loved having her too, so they claimed.
But suddenly - not this time.  It wasn’t that they were going to be gone or had too much going on or really any other reason.  They were in town – but just refused. Of course, it is possible that we have taken them for granted – probable even.  But the refusal had little to do with not wanting to watch our dog, really.  My husband was best friends with this man.  But this “friend” was in one of his moods where he was perpetually angry, cut off all communication with my husband, ignored his calls or texts, etc.  These moods occurred periodically and could last for months.  Then, suddenly, as if nothing had ever happened, all was back to normal.  He’d drop by for a visit or Mike would go over for a drink.  No explanation, no apology.
Now, I found myself scrambling.  The kennels we saw, ones which came highly recommended, were depressing and prison-like… and expensive.  I am having to pay hundreds of dollars – which we can ill afford – to ask strangers to care for my dog because we have no one to turn to.
Why not just ask another friend or family member to help out?
We have no family here.  All our family is spread out across the country.  Layer one of our isolation.  We have lived this way for over 20 years.  We have raised our family this way.  And, we have paid the price.  Our marriage has suffered.  Our family has suffered.  We have never left the kids to go on even a short trip together.  We don’t do date nights…not even now when they are old enough to not need a sitter.  Lack of family nearby as a support system has been devastating for us.  The isolation has cost us.
Here is where most couples would then turn to friends as their support base.
But, we have none.  Layer two of isolation.
The family mentioned earlier are old friends of ours but we never socialize as couples.  We rarely see each other outside of the two husbands getting together.  Beyond them, however, we have no one.
No church family.  No close friends from work.  No one calling us up to ask us to do something together.  No coffee dates.  No phone calls.  No invitations.  No shoulder to cry on.  No listening ear.  No one to laugh with.  No one to help.  No one to care.
How and why it came to be this way is not the point here – I have spent a lifetime trying to answer that question anyway.
Isolation is expensive.
Right now it is hitting my pocketbook.
But it has robbed me of a social life.  It has eroded my marriage.  It has stripped joy from life at times.  It has cost me time and energy.
And, I have paid – in cash, in loneliness, in despair, in tears, in anger, in inconvenience, in lost opportunities, in wasted time.
Isolation has cost me.  I wish I could say I am done paying the price.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Top Ten

Top Ten Things I Love about SOLC:

1.  The comments!  They re really the most important thing for me as a writer right now I desperately need the motivation and connections.

2. The new friendships I feel as if Ive known many of you all my life and I am grateful for getting to know new writers this year.

3. The opportunity to exercise my writing muscle I dont do this by my own volition at present, so this challenge presents an opportunity to improve my skills

4.  The opportunity to be consciously introspective and to be present in the moment

5.  The awareness of the small moments in our daily life that should not be overlooked

6.  The inspiration this challenge provides to broaden the way I use writing in my life

7.  The chance to read and comment on fellow slicers posts it has been a privilege to be invited into your lives, share your experiences, marvel at your creativity

8.  The connections to other writing and reading challenges that I might join

9.  Support, affirmation, kindness, gratitude, challenges, motivation, welcome

10.  The promise of another SOLC in a year

Thank you to Stacey and all her team.  Year Three was NOT the easiest year for me as a writer I often struggled and I dont feel my writing was at its best.  But, I persevered it is a CHALLENGE after all.  I hope to continue on Tuesdays but Ive made that promise before without much success.

Thank you to all fellow slicers you enriched my life this month.
I appreciate you all more than you will know.

Heres to a beautiful spring (may the snow stop for those of you who are still buried in it), and a relaxing summer.

Until next year

Quotes of the day:

“The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye...until we meet again”

The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning.  ~Ivy Baker Priest

Gratitude, Round 2

Today I am grateful for...

     • my younger twin sisters who turn 50 today.  They are becoming my support base, my confidants, and are fast becoming my best friends.
     • March Madness basketball - love it!
     • witnessing my dyslexic son succeed in school - yes, with some support, but mostly by himself
     • tulips
     • making deeper connections with my daughter
     • finishing the laundry and the smell of clean clothes
     • finding time to write today
     • my brother who can still make me laugh with his antics - even at our advanced age
     • having food in the cupboards, a roof over my head, money in my pocket, a family surrounding me
     • the smell of a whole chicken roasting in the oven
     • April
     • my upcoming spring break - if I can make it two more weeks
     • the end of the school year and the promise of summer
     • a day off tomorrow - if you don't count the trip to the dentist
     • the smoothies that my husband and daughter are bringing home any moment

Quote of the day:  Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel. 
                                                                       ~Author Unknown

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Opening Day

Today was Opening Day for my son’s last year in Little League baseball.  It is a bittersweet day for me.  He will have played 10 years when this season is over.  As the teams filed onto the field, I was transported back to when Ben was just starting in T-ball.  I watched the little ones in their too big uniforms and too big gloves, jumping, giggling, not yet taking anything too seriously.  The parade of teams continued until, finally, the big kids marched in with their official, stylish uniforms, their serious demeanors, their team pride – Ben among them. What a trip we’ve had.  Ten seasons of practices and games in the fickle spring NM weather – bitter cold winds one day, shorts and t-shirt weather the next.  Ten years of amazing coaches who taught the game with passion, enthusiasm and kindness.  Ten years of new cleats, new gloves, new bats.  Ten years of teammates who became fast friends – if only for a few months.  I will miss all of this for sure.  I love the game and I have loved watching Ben grow as a player.  I had so hoped he would try for high school ball.

However, his passion has shifted.  Basketball has won his heart.  Now I must adapt to an indoor game, to expensive shoes, to buzzers and new rules, to the incessant bouncing of a ball in my house.  It’s OK, in the end – I want him to be happy and love his sport of choice.  But my heart will always belong to baseball and my memories of Little League will always be fond.  And I will miss it deeply, intensely, and profoundly.  In the words of the late, great Ernie Banks, “Let’s play two!”

Quote of the day:  Don't tell me about the world.  Not today.  It's springtime and they're knocking baseball around fields where the grass is damp and green in the morning and the kids are trying to hit the curve ball.  ~Pete Hamill