Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Far From Home

Not much has changed from a year ago, she thought.  A deep sigh.  A tear rolls down her right cheek.  Is is worth it she wonders.  This pain?  This endless battle.  She realized she doesn't even have the energy or desire to try to fix it at the moment.  Will she ever?  The marriage had always been rocky.  It wasn't really based on a solid foundation - each had expected the other to change.  That never happened - yet they had stayed together for 22 years, 15 of them married.  They had two great kids.  There were things she had meant to do tonight - some just for herself, some for the family.  But she was emotionally exhausted.  What's the use?  The argument tonight was more than she could handle.  He wanted answers.  She had none.  They were both unhappy.  She knew that.  She knew they were also both justified in their complaints.  Therapists hadn't helped.  She had watched a movie last night where one character had described marriage as a "marathon".  This struck her.  It felt like one right now and she was at mile..... well, whatever mile it is where you hit the wall.  Does she push through or does she give up.  Maybe he gives up first.  Then what?  She knows they need to talk - AGAIN.  But when, how?  And WHY she now ponders.  He is a good person deep down.  She knows she has an obligation to try to make things better.  But - so does he and this seems to be where things falter.  She sits alone on the couch.  Her daughter being gone on a trip doesn't help things.  She misses her.  The laughter of her son and his friend from the other room does little to comfort her.  Will she be sitting here a year from now thinking the same thing?  Not much has changed?!

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